The concept of waiting until marriage to engage in sexual relations is a policy purported by religious groups. Outside of such circles it is almost embarrassing to announce that you’re a virgin and, worse that you are waiting to get married before having sex. Still, if one subscribes to this idea of waiting, the matter of fighting temptations becomes hugely significant. There are tremendous biological, societal and environmental factors to grapple with as one tries to remain committed to this pledge. The struggle is very real, many have yielded and others have successfully maintained course.
If you decide to wait, then you will have to fight. The refusal to comply with the societal norm will require active resistance from the pressures right around us. God designed us with needs and desires. He also provided a way for us to meet these legitimately. A need is something we cannot live without unlike a desire. Society has equated the desire for sex to the level of a need. It is the new normative that we must oppose. Waiting seems abnormal because sex is too important.
Pastor Wesley Knight in his book, Thirst, makes the following comment:
“When we can no longer tell the difference between desire and essential need, we are in trouble.”
Some desires can be induced by virtue of influence. This is why advertising works. Phone companies provide simple upgrades and customers who have perfectly functioning phones, join long queues overnight to get the latest models. Look no further than the ads placed in your feeds on any social media platform. These companies track what you look at or like and then provide a product they calculate you should desire.
If you are going to succeed at remaining committed to you commitment then their are some key principles to live by. I will dispense these in the following lines,
- Know your purpose
You are important. Every single human being to have appeared on this planet has done for a reason. You were meant to be here because there is something designed for you to accomplish. Having fully recognize the purpose for your existence, you can better treat with decisions that affect your destiny. The risk of hindering fulfilment of your purpose is present with every temptation. Knowledge of purpose gives direction and focus to life. This reduces the chance of going astray. How will premarital sexual relations affect your destiny? Will such actions help build your dream or destroy it?
2. What are the facts?
Sex is not a need. You will not die if you abstain from sexual relations. There is enormous pressure to conform with the current trend in our societies which says, something is wrong if you’re not having sex. You’re made to feel like the odd one out if it is revealed that you’re a virgin. Often, in order to gain acceptance we comply with their norms. Even when, deep down, we feel uncomfortable with this course of action. The internal guilt is preferred to the external shame. This shame can act as a powerful motivational force. But one should never make permanent decisions on temporary feelings. Set your priorities and act accordingly.
3. Stay busy
Engaging your mind actively challenges you to focus on others areas of your life. This reduces the temptation while allowing for self improvement. Read a book, learn to cook a new dish, start jogging, go for walks in the park or volunteer at a shelter. Maybe there is something you have always wanted to learn more about or training you need, go for it. Use your time wisely and leave nothing to chance. Someone once said, “Idleness is the root of all evil.” A truer statement have never been made. When you’re busy with productive activities, there is less chance of being entangled by distractions.
4. Know yourself
“This above all; to thine own self be true.” said William Shakespeare. To own your truth is one of the single most critical thing you can do. This sets you up massively to handle the flaws in your character and criticism by others. Being comfortable in your truth also allows you to be authentic self. All of this saves you from having to live by the rules and standards of external influencers. There is no real need to then seek approval from persons to be who you want to be.
Most of us struggle for consistency within one or more areas of our lives. This lack affects us physically, emotionally, academically, financially and spiritually. Temptations tend to be recurring or cyclical. Developing strong habits is a way to rewire your brain and train your mind. If you are going to maintain your integrity then it is paramount that you keep your commitment to your commitments.
6. Learn to say no.
Not everything is for you. Allow some things to pass you by. Leave the flakes alone. Be confident enough to say: “not today.” Don’t be sorry about a no. Firmly resist the urge to go with the flow. Rudder yourself through the prevailing wind. Never be too available to people. Restrict your time and presence to things you deem profitable and important for your growth. As far as is possible reduce the impact of external influencers or you will never be truly satisfied because you can’t please everyone.
Resisting denotes a fight. Avoiding certain pitfalls will necessitate a struggle to keep yourself from going down an undesirable path. Your ultimate success depends on your ability to fight temptations. This is not just a sexual or spiritual necessity. Your whole life is at risk of failure if you don’t surmount these temptations.