The Downfall of Many Men

An African mental health nurse once told me that three things will destroy any good man: alcohol, gambling and women. We don’t need peer reviewed studies in some top tier journal to confirm what we already know. Irresponsible living destroys the strongest, richest of us all. Intemperate men are a danger to themselves. The unwillingness to retain control over variables that can inflict hurt or put a leak on your well of finances, undoubtedly results in catastrophe.

What’s wrong with a glass of wine every now and again? The real danger with drinking is, one cannot identify which shot or what quantity of alcohol made them drunk and it’s addictive. For some, alcohol is forbidden. Whatever the reasons, there’s no argument against such a stance. An increasing number of millennials are more health conscious and have decided to avoid alcohol completely. For some it’s a trendy thing to do. This is certainly one trend more of us need to follow.

Temporary relief

What we’ve seen are countless loss of lives, too many accidents to count, injuries of every type. All caused by DUI. The interpersonal effects are not as headline grabbing. “Husband returns home drunk and beats wife.” “Drunk father abuses his kids.” “Man with a family spends all his earnings on alcohol.” Inability to keep a job because he can’t remain sober long enough. The wives, children and extended family feel the pain. Those in their homes have these firsthand traumatic experiences that leave indellible scars.

“Nothing can control that alcohol save for the glass bottle it’s in.”

We all know someone who was either ruined or came close to being ruined by gambling. This is another of those deceptive habits that lures the unsuspecting with instant gratification. So you win a few times and this gives courage to go further. One never quite knows when you’ll strike out. Just one more round. It’s never just one more because you often cannot control the impulse.

The technology is catching up and making risks a bit less likely. You can set limits on your cards or use an app with preset limits on the amount of money you can gamble with. Some games have restrictive parameters to protect the gambler from self destruction. The best solution is to not start.

Don’t start what you can’t control

If you manage to escape the booze and gambling hooks, the intoxicating love of a woman could still be your undoing. Loving the wrong woman or loving the right woman in the wrong way, may lead to life changing problems. Here’s how this can happen. A number of guys get hooked to the incomparable physique of a woman. Her face, boobs, derrier, hips and waist are all the allure he needs. The sex is out of this world! These factors tend to mask more weighty matters that pertain to deep seated beliefs, long held habits and future aspirations. We often rush to hide incompatibility behind intimacy. Ignoring the history of her behaviour could also prove fatal. When you commit time, effort and resources to a woman who is just not ready for that type of a committment, it will frustrate the life out of you. Sure you’re in a relationship but going nowhere fast.

Can you love the right woman in the wrong way? If you don’t speak her love language, then she will get frustrated and may leave to find someone else. In your mind, you have been doing everything to express your love. Thing is, in communicating love, she speaks Spanish and you’re speaking Dutch. What she wants is intimacy and time, words of affirmation and not fancy gifts and expensive dates. The unravelling of such a relation will leave a man devasted because he cannot see why after all this “work” she’s still complaining.

Self regulation is paramount if men are to achieve any modicum of success. Curb your drinking habit. Have a smoothy. Never gamble more than you are willing to lose. Think of the impact on your finances and trickle down effect on other persona in your life. If you have loved the wrong woman, know when it’s time to walk. If you are loving her but not satisfying her desires, then investigate what are her needs. Work hard at filling her love cup or leave. Two miserable people don’t need to be together. If you feel unable to do it by yourself, go seek help!

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