Not much is often said about the relationship between fathers and their daughters. There is significant research that has gone into exploring the impacts of such a bond.What seems evident is that a woman’s future is inextricably linked to whether she was fathered well or poorly. Many of the life changing decisions made by females are directly influenced by what happened with their fathers. Quite … Continue reading Girls Need Strong Fathers Too
There is a toxic mindset in many black children because of what their fathers did or didn’t do. We can’t move forward as a people until we heal these broken hearts and fractured relationships. The anger and disappointment leaves an open wound which affects us significantly. Some of us talk about this but it’s in the form of a lament or a complain. But some … Continue reading Forgiving Your Father
The common saying is that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. I have proven this to be true. The thing is, I suffer from a disorder, a fatalistic disorder. You may call it “Castatrophising”. A term borrowed from Dr. Henry Marsh, retired neurosurgeon. He said, “doctors are both fatalistic and anxious about their family’s health…” Well, I catastrophise about my own health. A weird … Continue reading In sickness and in health
Chef’s Table at Mimo, London. A typical Jamaican meal has a heavy serving of starch. This could be rice, yam, dumplings, green bananas, breadfruit or any combination of the aforesaid. The protein may be a small piece of chicken, beef, pork or fish. All served with plenty of gravy. Most Jamaicans would pour scorn on fine dining portions. It’s just ridiculous. They would ask “where … Continue reading Where’s the Food?
Today I bought a hammer. Last week I purchased my first machete. Walking away from the hardware store, I caught myself saying, “You’re a man now.” What are the signs that you’re becoming a man? Hair on your chest? A few strands of hair on your face? A sudden but permanent change in voice? In biology class we are taught that these physical signs show … Continue reading When does a boy become a man?
It was another rainy afternoon and we’re strolling around central London trying to find a restaurant. There was one I intended to use for our second wedding anniversary but I got persuaded otherwise. Today seemed like a good day to finally try Bernardi’s. This simple and laid back Italian restaurant is located in Marylebone, close to Marble Arch, just off Edgware Road. The soft lighting … Continue reading You need to eat here: Bernardi’s, London
The Kicks, Part I Having recently moved to western Jamaica, it’s becoming apparent that the fashion trends and culture in this tourism hot spot is vastly different from what is seen elsewhere on the island. Businesses close by nightfall in the city center. Your best bet for a little nightlife is the famous Jimmy Cliff Boulevard otherwise known as “Bottom Road.” Most persons are employed … Continue reading Top Fashion Trends in West Jamaica
A dying breed.
It is quite often we see a woman unsure about how to respond to kindness and chivalry from men. The result is either an extremely awkward moment or misunderstanding. Who’s fault is this? Are men no longer being taught social graces? Is it that our culture now no longer informs a woman on how she should be treated? Could the absence of such be damaging to the fabric of our society?
You might very be surprised if you ask a millennial, what does he/she expect from a prospective partner. First of all, there’s an increasing number of same sex relationships. The male to female relation that has been with all civilizations since time began, is now being questioned and brushed aside. It might shock you, but in some cultures young women have a dream girl and young men have a dream guy they want to be with. In the west, like it or not, that’s where we are.
Secondly, as time passes, cultural norms shift and expectations change. Long held traditions become challenged and some wither away into obscurity. Cultural evolution is quite real. Like a distant memory, bedrock ideas become eroded in insignificance. This is rather evident in human relations. Today we might spend more time with virtual reality and artificial intelligence that real persons.
Men still mostly want food and sex. Much hasn’t changed. Women want….affection and quality time among other things. Maybe not so much anymore. Lovers no longer write love letters. A quick WhatsApp message is customary. “Hey bby! Luv u.” If a message doesn’t appear from you, it’s a point of argument. This absence of a text is a sign that you’re not good at communicating and insensitive to her needs. You’re expected to make posts about your mate on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Snapchat. On birthdays, your status message and display pic are supposed to show that you’re celebrating him/her.
One thing that has not escaped my observation is the crude and unkind way in which some younger men are treating women. Their language is uncouth and discourteous. Some of the actions towards ladies are downright brutish. What’s absolutely disappointing is that women are passing these off as normal. There is no reprimand or resentment.
What is frightening is that women folk now have no clue how to respond to kindness. When you get their chair, they take another one. You open a door and they stand waiting for you to go through. In one instance a lady remarked at how surprise she was that I would hold the door for her. Apparently, she’s been doing this a lot for men. I’m not quite sure we can call this a role reversal but more a deficit in chivalry and gentlemanly conduct.
Then there is the all too familiar mistaking of kindness as some type of overture. A true gentleman may easily find himself being labelled a womanizer or a flirt. The biggest trap is to offer a listening ear to a woman. A lot of men are no good at conversing with a woman. So she’s always in need of a pair of ears and quality conversation. Offer that just once and they’ll keep coming back. Now, just because a man pays you some attention, it doesn’t mean he’s looking to get with you. Certainly it does not mean you should try to get in with him either. Just appreciate this as kindness, as frightening as it may seem.
The only constant thing about life is change. Should we just accept these changes as a shift in culture and resist all efforts to resort to principles that existed previously? What advantage do we gain as a society if we abandon some of these culturally derived practices? I will not posit an answer to these questions but I leave you with the profound words of John Wooden:
“Although there can be no progress without change, not all change is progress.”
It does not hurt to be kind to a lady. To my lady friends, some acts are just kindness with no strings attached.
Image cred: Pinterest Under Armour US Project Rock Delta Everybody’s going the gym! Apart from going green or organic, the new craze is fitness. New gyms popping up everywhere. Personal trainers are in such high demand, everyone’s trying their hand at it. There are tons of do-it-yourself videos coming out daily. They have taken over Instagram. With the increased participation in fitness activities, there came … Continue reading The Return of Iconic Sneakers: Fashion vs Performance
Pinterest.com “Most of us at some point in our lives, find someone who means more to us than anyone ever will or ever have. Usually, it’s a long legged lady if you’re a man or tall guy if you’re a woman.” This is a paraphrased version of Bill Wither’s introduction to the song, Grandma’s Hand. He goes on to sing about his grandmother. If you … Continue reading The Best Things I’ve learned from my Grandma
ASTOR TATE 